Wanting Something More
by lickitysplit
Summary: After the battle at Castle Liones, Merlin retreats to her laboratory for research. But while there, she finds that for the first time, she must look outside of herself for strength. Oneshot


**Summary:** After the battle at Castle Liones, Merlin retreats to her laboratory for research. But while there, she finds that for the first time, she must look outside of herself for strength.

 **A/N:** Welcome to this one-shot! Merlin is not a character I am _particularly_ astute at writing, but I really wanted to give this idea a try. So thank you for reading and feel free to let me know what you think! I also must apologize profusely for the poetry. I am _terrible_ at poetry, so hopefully it works? *crosses fingers*

This fic would not be possible without my wonderful friend, nostalgicbookworm. He is extremely dedicated to this pairing and was rather disappointed with the lack of fanfiction, so I had to do something to help. If you are ever looking for a good laugh, please check out his amazing videos and edits on Tumblr. He is one of the wittiest and cleverest people I know, in addition to being just a genuinely good person who puts up with my nonsense. This oneshot is for you, my dear.

I also must thank Cerulean Grace and Vetur02, who were so kind as to read the many versions of this oneshot and offer a lot of truly necessary feedback to get this to a publishable state. They are both much more talented than I, so please check out their work on this site and Tumblr, respectively.

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Merlin stood at the large table in her laboratory, staring at the tube that held what was once Greyroad of the Ten Commandments. Her faces were locked in misery, and Merlin could only imagine what was happening inside of the enchanted glass that contained one of the most powerful beings in Britannia. It was thrilling to hold this thing in her hand, her heart beating a little faster at all the things she was about to discover. The demon clan was one of the few mysteries of the universe left for her to truly delve into; there were just so _many_ , such diversity among them, she felt as though she would never truly understand or have all the answers. But that suited Merlin just fine.

She was patient for being the Sin of Gluttony. She had learned many, many years ago that good things come to those who wait. There was no room for error or mistake now. The key to defeating the threat of the Ten Commandments was just beyond her vision. The Seven Deadly Sins had no hope of overcoming the beings if they fell prey to their Commandments as she had done. There had to be a way of removing those wretched little curses, so that they had to rely on power alone. Although it would be a stretch, she believed between the Captain's newly returned power, Ban's immortality, and Escanor's seemingly infinite strength, they could have a chance. Diane and King would play a key role too, she surmised, if they managed to unlock their true natures. Gowther was a wild card, as always, but Merlin still had a few tricks of her own that no one knew.

In the end, no matter what the outcome, it would be educational at least.

But now that there was a glimmering hope of eliminating the threat of the Ten Commandments, another danger was looming, one far worse than anything Merlin had encountered before. The look on Meliodas' face as he killed Fraudrin so deliberately, so _thoroughly_ … it was cruel, and left her unbelieving. She had known about his curse for many years, and had even attempted at one point to release him from it. But a spell from the Demon King was not something to be trifled with, and her efforts had been unsuccessful.

Her hands trembled a bit as she carefully set the tube down. For the first time in a very, very long time, Merlin was unsure of what to do. Each challenge she had ever faced had brought a bit of excitement, the thrill of the unknown, driven by the need to feel the utter satisfaction of proving a hypothesis, whether wrong or correct. Merlin did not desire power, but knowledge. Every difficult situation had a solution, every question an answer. Her entire _life_ had been based around this truth.

But what to do with the Captain? Now that his power was returned to him, there was no clear answer. Certainly she could hope that he would fight the dark nature that she was sure poised to flood his mind and soul and fill the emptiness that losing his emotions had created. There was a void inside of him that could be filled either with wrath or with love; their fates hung by a thread, and Merlin could do _nothing_.

There was a sharp rap at the door, and Merlin jumped. She was not used to being disturbed, the kingdom so depleted of its citizens now, not that there were many even before the slaughter had begun that were bold enough to come to _her_ door. With a flicker of her eyes to Aldan she saw there was no threat, and did not even realize as a smile formed on her lips when the picture of the Lion Sin formed at the door.

"Come in!" she called, quickly snatching up the tube that contained Greyroad and placing it carefully on its stand. When she turned around, Escanor was already inside, carrying a tray in one hand as the other pushed the large wooden door shut.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," he said. "I thought you might want something." He crossed to the work table and carefully laid the silver platter on top.

His stride was confident, and Merlin tilted her head a bit to take in the sight of him with appreciation. The light streaming through the windows behind him showed that it was late afternoon, well past the threatening beast that emerged at noon, but still many hours to go before the cowering weakling would arrive. His voice held a deep timbre that was steady and firm, his face etched with wisdom in addition to the strength. Escanor had removed the bulk of his armor, now wearing a sleeveless shirt and the tight pants of a soldier, the only metal on him the shin guards sewn into the leather boots and the large buckle of the scabbard strapped to his waist. A long knife hung at his hip, the handle simple, like the demeanor of this pre-dusk man.

As their eyes met, Merlin's mouth twitched a bit. That mustache was… interesting. She thought back to the young man with the clean-shaven face who had written her poetry so many years ago. It was truly amazing how humans aged so quickly; barely any time had gone by at all, and here was Escanor, no longer a young man, but a man in his prime. He raised his eyebrows a bit at her reaction, and modestly Merlin glanced away, her eyelashes brushing together as she briefly closed her eyes.

"That was sweet of you," she obliged, slowly crossing towards him. Merlin noted the way his shoulders stiffened a bit and his chin lifted; the way his chest expanded with a quick breath, the movement of his throat as he swallowed. It was certainly satisfying to see the way she still affected him. Living so long made it difficult to not be jaded towards the simple things: the smile of another, a kind gesture, appreciation for beauty. Escanor, she knew, still felt all those; it was refreshing.

Finally she reached where he stood, sensing the stiffness in his muscles with her presence so close. She lifted the lid of the platter to find a selection of meat and fruit, and a glass of dark red wine. Another smile ghosted her lips. "You remembered," she said, reaching out to lift the glass and take a careful sip.

"Of course," he said quietly, and a shiver went through her. It was unexpected, but not unwanted. But why? Why this moment? Merlin took another sip to steady her suddenly dancing nerves. So many times he had brought her things, fawned over her, and Merlin could have used it to her advantage but never did. Perhaps it was the distance between them for so long, the years they had spent apart? Or perhaps it was her own recent brush with death, coupled with the unforeseen danger that had arisen with the captain's return. Regardless of which excuse, Merlin recognized that she was feeling something she had not expected: fear. Merlin needed to be comforted.

As if he could read her thoughts, Escanor said, "You were telling me about the captain's… condition earlier." Merlin swallowed and carefully replaced the wine glass on the table. "Do you know what we should do? Is it safe to allow him to stay in Liones?"

Merlin glanced over at him, glad to see the concern on his brow. "For now, I suppose," she answered. "There isn't… much that we could do. His power is restored, and his body is remembering its strength with every passing moment. If his dark nature gains a foothold…" Her voice trailed off, memories of what the demon race was capable of, _truly_ capable of, floating in her mind, tantalizing her with a hundred different futures and offering no clear path ahead. "For now, it's safe," she said softly.

They shared a weighty silence, both solemn as they thought. Merlin was aware of how close he was, could practically hear the heavy beating of his heart. Out of the corner of her eye, Merlin glanced to take in the muscular form, the squared jaw, the broadness of his shoulders. At this time of day he still had nearly a half foot of height on her, but she found his presence next to her soothing, not oppressive. Turning her head a bit, she took in the powerful arms and sturdy build of his body, and for a moment she wondered…

"You must have much to do," he said. The tone of his voice was like a dense dessert, thick and rich and delicious to hear; how could she not remember how nice it was at this time of day? It was both powerful and soft, both velvet and silk. "I will leave you to your work."

Escanor tilted his head in a small nod before stepping back and away. Merlin watched him over her shoulder, and then to her _own_ surprise, she called out, "Wait."

Immediately he stopped, turning back to look at her with surprise. Of course he would look at her that way; when had she ever needed him before? They had shared a handful of tender moments, small kindnesses and sweet smiles during their brief times alone. But Merlin was the strong one, granting _him_ access to her time; never before had she asked him for his attention on her own, only taking what he eagerly offered. It was a new feeling, wanting something from Escanor. Wanting something more than just a bit of his sweetness. Wanting something other than to study and analyze.

It was the change in him, it must have been, the way he had grown into someone older and therefore wiser. Merlin had always found him handsome, but now he was actually making her breath catch and her heart flutter. When was the last time that had happened? She walked towards him, and Escanor turned a bit to face her. They stood just an inch apart, and then she reached up to press her palms gently on his chest, the rapid expansion of his lungs as he sucked in a deep breath causing a thrill of electricity under the skin of her hands.

Slowly she slid her hands upwards, wrapping around his shoulders, molding downwards to grasp his upper arms. He was so _warm_ , and the analytical part of her mind suddenly wanted to take his temperature, her desire to understand every mystery about him flaring for a second. But that was overcome by a new sensation, a new flame of curiosity as her eyes slid to his mouth. His lips parted slightly, her own twitching in a smile to once again take in the mustache that grazed over the top. He was tense and frozen under her hands, and as she stretched up to press her mouth on his, still he did not move, did not even breathe.

For a long moment she held steady, reaching up just slightly on her toes to angle her mouth perfectly. The hair was softer than she expected, and not unpleasant, and her imagination drifted to how it would feel on the rest of her body. Then Escanor pressed towards her, closing the gap until their bodies were finally touching, his own mouth now moving slowly against hers.

Who would have thought he would be such a good kisser? It was firm and delicate at the same time, his lips a bit rough against her softer ones. She liked the fact that he did not immediately begin to devour her, simply taking the time to enjoy the kiss still on the chaste side. Her mouth slid down a bit to wrap around his lower lip, sucking gently for a just a moment, her tongue sliding along the plump flesh for a taste. Still he allowed her to guide him, which was a thrilling contrast to the strength she could feel in the taut muscle under her hands. A tight spark seemed to be connecting them, and it stirred a desire inside of her that she had not known for a very long time.

When Merlin pulled away, she realized she had closed her eyes, amazed at herself for such sentimentality. Slowly she opened them, now looking at his chin through hooded lids, her own mouth parting as she licked her lips. Merlin focused on his mouth, slightly wet now from the kiss. She wanted another, and another, but hesitated, knowing where it would lead… hesitation, another new feeling, courtesy of the man in front of her.

"Merlin," he murmured, and her eyes flew upwards, locking with his. There was a feeling of butterflies in her stomach, and Merlin's breath caught, amazed. She had done this so many times, this slide into seduction: men and women, young and old, kings and slaves, weak and strong. Bashfulness and modesty were two things that Merlin did not value. Each time, each partner had been her own little experiment into the physicality of love and the power of desire, but that did not mean that _she_ ever loved or desired another. On the contrary, she had only loved once, and that did not make it even this far.

Yet here she was, kissing a man and _feeling_ something, as if she were nothing more than an inexperienced maiden. The adoration in the eyes that gazed back at her made Merlin _want_ to feel. Could this be… love? Could she even still love?

"I've thought about this," he said suddenly, pulling her from her thoughts. "I've thought about _you_ , during all the years we were apart: your voice, your touch, your scent… all I can think of is you."

Merlin cleared her throat, a bit flustered for a moment. She had heard confessions such as those before, but never in such a way, so open and vulnerable, so _honest_. Escanor lifted a hand and took one of hers, pulling it from his arm and to his lips for a kiss. "I wrote a poem for you," the man said quietly.

"A poem?" Suddenly the mage smiled, glad for something familiar to latch on to and ground her in this slightly confusing moment. As a young man, Escanor had often written her poetry, which she found charming if not rather typical of his nature. To know that this wholly different man who stood before her was still doing such a very sweet and innocent thing put her at ease.

His lips were still grazing her skin, and Merlin asked, "Will you recite it for me?"

Escanor's eyes darted to hers. Slowly he straightened, still holding her hand, only inches away. His thumb caressed the back of her hand, and the way he was looking at her now made her shiver. The adoration was still there in his eyes, but it was deeper somehow, more genuine. It was no longer the worshipping gaze of a young, infatuated man; now it was almost corporeal, and Merlin was all at once nervous to hear this poem after all.

" _When I think of how I want you  
_ _I think about your skin  
And not the untamed beast  
That is growing deep within."_

He pulled her hand back to his mouth, kissing along the ridges of her fingers as he spoke, his lips and the hair above them almost tickling her as they glided along her skin. The pressed against her wrist, and her pulse quickened a bit under the surface with the warmth of his mouth; then they travelled up the length of her arm as his other hand slid around her waist. Escanor paused for a moment to press another kiss to the crook of her elbow, followed by the pale skin along the inside of her upper arm.

" _When I think of all your beauty  
All that which is divine  
The beast then roars inside of me  
Cascading down my spine."_

Merlin's mouth opened slightly when his mouth reached her shoulder. He dropped her hand and gently, reverently, pushed the fabric to the side to allow him to kiss along the bare skin. Escanor was still so soft, so chaste, that it was affecting her. Then she realized _he_ was affected as well; his eyes shut tightly, his fingers shaking slightly as they glided on her skin, his breathing very slow and deliberate.

Then his mouth was at her neck, his lips fleeting as he kissed her. Merlin shivered slightly with his breath feathering across her skin and tilted her head just a bit to the side to allow access to her throat. She wanted something more aggressive, longing for him to grip her a bit harder, to suckle on her throat instead of the whispered dusting of his lips. Merlin was falling under a spell.

" _I hunger for your beauty  
Your hair lit by the moon  
Your eyes that say you want me  
Your cheeks in full bloom."_

Once more Merlin found her eyes had closed, and hearing these last words against her ear, she peeked out through her lashes. Escanor was right up against her now, their bodies just barely touching, except where his hand pressed delicately against her lower back and his mouth tickled her earlobe. She let go of a breath she was holding and pressed herself forward, eliminating whatever hair's breadth still lay between them. His lips grazed the outline of her ear before pressing against her temple; wanting more, _needing_ more, she turned her face towards his.

" _When I think of how I love you  
At once I am undone  
You are my moon in darkest night  
You have become my sun."_

His eyes were on hers now, and they gazed at one another for a long moment. Their noses were barely touching, their lips so close she could feel the air that slipped through them with each breath. Merlin thought of the kiss they had shared just moments ago, and would have laughed at how very long ago it seemed to her now. This, right here, was more intimate than that kiss; of all the acts of pleasure she had given and taken before, none had seared inside of her quite like him.

"Escanor," she breathed, and this time, it was he who closed the gap. His mouth was hot on hers, searching but not demanding, taking but not overwhelmingly so. This was a kiss she could lose herself inside, and for the first time, Merlin wanted to be lost.

A sudden rattling sound startled them both, and at once they pulled apart. Escanor turned away, and Merlin looked around him as she caught her breath, a nervous laugh escaping her.

The glass tube that contained the Commandment of Pacifism was on its side on the table, clamoring against the wood as the container hopped up and down seemingly of its own accord. With a purse of her lips Merlin stepped around the Sin and walked over, lifting the tube to eye level. "That was a very foolish thing to do," she admonished the demon inside. "Now you are going into spend the rest of the night in a drawer."

"Speaking of night," Escanor said behind her, "I should be going."

Merlin sighed and turned around. He seemed a bit smaller, his hands now fidgeting a bit. Gone was the tall, straight posture, the confident eyes, the unwavering voice. Yet the mage felt a bit of a sharpness in her chest when he dared to look up at her, even in his rapidly de-evolving form.

Escanor gave her an enchanting little bow and turned to go, but Merlin called out, "You will come back tomorrow morning?" She smiled warmly at him when he looked over his shoulder in surprise. "I would hear another poem, if I may," she said, her voice tinged with a hint of flirtatiousness.

"Of course!" answered Escanor, a tad too eagerly, and with a bit of a mortified look he hurried out of the room. There was a vibration in her hand, and she looked down at the demon she held, chuckling to herself with her momentary forgetfulness. It had been a day full of surprises.


End file.
